Transparency Protects Relationships

Throughout most of our working lives we will hear and use the term ‘transparency’. We recognise transparency as a necessary tool to good working relationships within our networks. So then, why is it that we don’t think of our relationship with our partners with the same scope.

When you look at our professional relationships we prefer transparency because we want to be able to trust, that for example our bank is looking after you. If they are not transparent you begin to not trust them. In terms of politics we get angry when those we elect don’t let us know what is going on or give a straight answer to a question.

“People prefer transparency in a relationship and a lack of transparency outside of that relationship. As transparency increases, trust increases, and the converse is also true.” Why because transparency within a relationship builds trust whereas outside of a relationship it is more like the relationship is no longer between two people but the whole world.

We may say that we are transparent in our relationships but when I think of it I know I am not completely transparent at times and I have to take responsibility for that. Sometimes I make out I am ok when I’m not. Don’t pretend to be ok when you are not. Don’t hold information back because you think it’s not important because it really is. Don’t be selfish with your feelings, share them. Don’t pretend to own your own life but share it with those you love as you would hope they would with you.

I saw this recently in an article and thought it was worthy of quoting.

“Transparency and the lack of it in relationships, is a condition with consequences whose insidious tentacles extend much further than pure and simple lying. Transparency means saying what is really inside of you. Transparency means not equivocating about what is important to you. It is not pushing your opinions or likes and dislikes on others, but it is being honest about them when they become part of what is happening in the relationship.
Being transparent implies being vulnerable, because the transparency…the visibility of your inner now out in the open, for your partner to see, to palpate, to react to, to comment about, and possibly, to reject. Clearly, this latter reason, coupled with the fear most people have of being vulnerable, causes many to avoid the issue of transparency. If I allow him or her to see the real me, or so one reasons, he/she will not want to be with me, or will think I am too this or too that. And yet, if you do not allow the other to see the real you, how will they ever really get to know you? And therefore, if they fall in love with you, what or who are they falling in love with??? A chimera, evanescent by nature, since it is not real. Is it not better to risk possible rejection by being transparent, and thus eventually be loved for one’s real self by someone who appreciates it, than to be loved for what one is not?” Source

How can we expect transparency in our professional world or anywhere else for that matter if we don’t have it in what is meant to e the most important relationship in our lives, that relationship with our partner. I think this is something to contemplate.



Analyse me!!!!

I was talking with a friend recently about my feelings on possessiveness. Ok, so Jeremy, John, Vanyel and all of you feel free to analyse me, I'm sure this post could generate some interesting thoughts lol.

To be honest the topic came up as a little bit of a joke because he said he has been possessive in a relationship before. My response to that was that I love it when a partner is possessive. I know that could freak you all out a bit but it's true. I could think of nothing better than to have a possessive husband. Ok, I know that there are different levels or degrees of possessiveness and of course I'm not looking for a complete psycho, but it's somewhat reassuring to have a guy who gets a little jealous once in a while. Ok let me continue.

Now I'll try and explain a little about my thought process on this one. I believe as a society we have been trained to be scared of being a little jealous for fear of being seen as clingy or needy. It's the same with being affectionate or any number of things. So one of the things we discussed was how if you are an affectionate person you are labelled needy, but if you are an affectionate person and don't act on it you are cold or your partner thinks something is wrong.

Where possessiveness is concerned I strongly believe that a little is a good thing. Yes there can be too much but that's the same as anything. So as 'M' and I were talking I realised just how much I appreciate a little possessiveness in a relationship. For me it is just one of those things that reinforce that you are really loved.

Now boys and girls, tear me apart lol.