Painful Issues


I’ve been seeing a lot of posts lately floating around about Mardi Gras and a lot of different opinions. That is a topic I will talk about soon because I want to comment on another bloggers opinion. But anyway, reading these posts it has reminded me of a really big issue facing the gay population. I know you will say it’s no surprise but I think it’s time I talked about it. That issue being self-esteem.

It is so obvious when you read a lot of posts or for that matter just open FB that self-esteem is a major issue in the gay world. That’s not to say that it’s not a big issue everywhere else but I notice it more in the gay world. The one thing I notice is that this issue appears to probably be one of the biggest facing people. Issues with self-esteem have a habit of impacting on life in a massive way.

When someone lacks self-esteem it leads to a lot of problems. It leads to a desperate need for attention which can bring with it another group of problems. It leads to this need to surround yourself with people and not usually quality people. It can lead to doing things that just help you maintain that pretend friendship like drinking, drugs and lying, but these are only the obvious ones. The emotional damage can be far more reaching. This then can have a huge impact on your family and other relationships. It can lead to feeling bored at times just because usually people with self-esteem issues can’t cope with their own company.

A lot of those feelings can come from your childhood which really means you are letting your crappy childhood rule your adult life. It can also come from the portrayal of gays in the world. Strangely the way that gays are portrayed in the media makes you think something is wrong with you if you don’t fit into the box. There is also this perception out there that life is meant to always be about fun.

Get real. Firstly, life isn’t about fun. Life is about making a difference and true internal happiness. This isn’t achieved through parties and drinking, and it certainly isn’t achieved through surrounding yourself with a poor quality of people just in order to be able to say you have friends. The reality of friendship is that true friends are rare but to be a true friend you really need to share some values and they really need to add quality to your life. Recent studies show that most people have only one or two real friends and that they can come at different points in your life. If you think about it, your most truly happy moments are just that moments, not events and parties. They are tiny little moments where something very genuine has been said to you or when you were curled up on the couch with your loved one.

You need to stop constantly being worried about what others think of you because in the end it doesn’t matter. If you have self-esteem issues you really need to remember that you are beautiful and if you are patient things will improve. Train yourself to enjoy time by yourself. That doesn’t mean spending that time on the computer. I mean real time by yourself. Even if that just means writing in a journal, spending a day watching films curled up on the couch with popcorn or being artistic. If you are feeling disconnected, anxious, depressed or even bored all the time, take that step and seek help. If nothing else talking to a professional lets you expel all hour frustrations, at best, they may give you some tools that will help you improve the quality of your life. Don't be afraid of asking for help.

The key is to be patient. I know the world wants to make you connect 24/7 but the reality is this isn’t going to improve the quality of your life. We now live in a world where we are connected 24/7. We have constant connections to pretty much everyone. However it’s a fact that reported cases of depression, anxiety and suicide are at all time highs. So if you look at it, this 24/7 connectivity isn’t really improving the quality of our lives. I myself have reduced the amount of time I spend on the net. In fact I have reduced the amount of time I spend online by around 75%. I even write most of my posts offline and then copy and paste them. Simply I would rather give my attention to my partner or just relax.

Anyway, the key to remember is that you are special and you don’t need others to validate you. Live a good life full of honesty, helping others and building a quality life with those you love. I won’t go on because I could talk about this topic for hours. I am happy to discuss this further in future posts or if you want to send me a contact message I would be happy to reply. For now I will go. But remember you are beautiful.