Transparency Protects Relationships

Throughout most of our working lives we will hear and use the term ‘transparency’. We recognise transparency as a necessary tool to good working relationships within our networks. So then, why is it that we don’t think of our relationship with our partners with the same scope.

When you look at our professional relationships we prefer transparency because we want to be able to trust, that for example our bank is looking after you. If they are not transparent you begin to not trust them. In terms of politics we get angry when those we elect don’t let us know what is going on or give a straight answer to a question.

“People prefer transparency in a relationship and a lack of transparency outside of that relationship. As transparency increases, trust increases, and the converse is also true.” Why because transparency within a relationship builds trust whereas outside of a relationship it is more like the relationship is no longer between two people but the whole world.

We may say that we are transparent in our relationships but when I think of it I know I am not completely transparent at times and I have to take responsibility for that. Sometimes I make out I am ok when I’m not. Don’t pretend to be ok when you are not. Don’t hold information back because you think it’s not important because it really is. Don’t be selfish with your feelings, share them. Don’t pretend to own your own life but share it with those you love as you would hope they would with you.

I saw this recently in an article and thought it was worthy of quoting.

“Transparency and the lack of it in relationships, is a condition with consequences whose insidious tentacles extend much further than pure and simple lying. Transparency means saying what is really inside of you. Transparency means not equivocating about what is important to you. It is not pushing your opinions or likes and dislikes on others, but it is being honest about them when they become part of what is happening in the relationship.
Being transparent implies being vulnerable, because the transparency…the visibility of your inner now out in the open, for your partner to see, to palpate, to react to, to comment about, and possibly, to reject. Clearly, this latter reason, coupled with the fear most people have of being vulnerable, causes many to avoid the issue of transparency. If I allow him or her to see the real me, or so one reasons, he/she will not want to be with me, or will think I am too this or too that. And yet, if you do not allow the other to see the real you, how will they ever really get to know you? And therefore, if they fall in love with you, what or who are they falling in love with??? A chimera, evanescent by nature, since it is not real. Is it not better to risk possible rejection by being transparent, and thus eventually be loved for one’s real self by someone who appreciates it, than to be loved for what one is not?” Source

How can we expect transparency in our professional world or anywhere else for that matter if we don’t have it in what is meant to e the most important relationship in our lives, that relationship with our partner. I think this is something to contemplate.



The PM should have thought twice

As some of you may have heard, the PM Julia Gillard is about to have dinner with three gay & lesbian couples who support marriage equality. How did it happen, well the dinner was being auctioned off for charity and the AME & Get Up! won the auction who are sending three gay couples to the dinner. Sweet justice really. 

Julia has been struggling to distance herself from the fight for marriage equality for a long time. There are a lot of stories out there that state secretly she supports marriage equality however follows the party policy and is desperately trying to maintain support which appears to be in the balance of the Christian Lobby. Considering the PM has avoided and refused to meet with supporters of marriage equality and the issue is becoming very heated, this will be the last straw. 

A better version of the story is linked to at the bottom, but my 2c worth is this. The polls are showing that the majority of Australian's support marriage equality. The PM's approval rates are in the gutter. So seriously, she would have nothing to lose by showing support for this. The PM is so concerned that she will lose the votes of the Christian Lobby (which she will), that she doesn't realise she has stopped leading this nation. Yes, it will politically be a risk for her to show support for this fight, however as a leader she needs to make these decisions. By making these decisions she may just find renewed support. This is a woman who really underestimates the power of the gay vote. What we are looking for is a leader who is willing to do what is right. This isn't just a gay issue, but a whole nation one. Each time an election comes around it's a choice of picking which party is the least disturbing. What this country needs is for a leader who doesn't bullshit and who is willing to stand up and be counted. 

Politics has many flaws, but one of the biggest is that the current system does not encourage honesty. One of the problems is that the process of replacing a party leader is as simple as a vote by the party. However in this situation the Labor Party need to realise that it's not just Julia that is unpopular at the moment but the whole party. It's time to wake up and realise that what you are doing isn't working. It's time to take some risks. There is always going to be some opposition to decisions in the public but you need to weather these and make change that is better for the country. 

You can read more about it HERE

Rip & Roll

UPDATE: Ads reinstated after support - check it out HERE


As you will see from the poster, it displays a gay couple and a strong message about using a condom. It’s targeted towards prevention of HIV. The strange thing is I pass a billboard with this poster on it quite regularly and my impressions were completely different (maybe understandably) to what is now being said.

When I saw this ad, I never once thought anything about it being a gay couple. I just saw a good message. I thought the poster was tasteful and not sexual in nature and it came with a great tag line of “Rip N Roll” I never even considered the fact it had a gay couple on it. In retrospect now that it has been drawn to my attention that it is I still don’t see anything wrong with it. I wouldn’t have minded who the couple was on the noticeboard whether it be gay or straight. I just think it’s a representation of the fact that not everyone is straight.

The arguments being spread and the complaints that were received in part state they don’t want any ads about sexual matters used because children may see it. Well this is a naive thing to say. Kids know about sex and this stuff at a very young age. I didn’t think there was anything inappropriate in this.

However if you look at the complaints received  you will see that the issue of sexuality comes up constantly. Not surprisingly most of the complaints are identical showing this was a targeted campaign. Showing a gay couple on advertising isn’t that uncommon in this day and age and for me there should be more of it. Not because of any other reason then it shows the world that there are a variety of people in this world. That’s why commercials show a variety of ethnic groups.

The Christian Lobby Director Wendy Francis made the statement she objected to the sexual nature of the ads, not the fact the couple pictured were gay. Ms Francis was last year forced to apologise publicly after a Tweet likening gay marriage to legalising child abuse. Her argument is week. There is nothing particularly sexual in nature about the image and now she tries to use an excuse for attacking gay people. I doubt very much she would have done the same thing if it was a straight couple. It’s a stretch in my mind that she believes this billboard is showing “Foreplay”. If that’s what she thinks foreplay is about than she really needs to look again.

Looking at the poll at the bottom of the new article at the time I wrote this blog post 84% of respondents agreed “It’s a great ad and should have been kept”. It really is a shame that the ACL has got away with this and that once again this country has failed to show it can be a progressive leader in showing it’s open mindedness.
I really do love my country but get so disappointed at crap like this. I remember growing up being taught that Australia is the best country in the world and is a country that is laid back and accepts everyone. This is also a view that people overseas had. It appears more and more that we have a country where our leaders are bigots and bow to those who can pay them the most money. After all, every poll shows that the majority of the country support equality for the gay population and marriage equality.

Anniversary Wrap


The weekend saw us celebrate our first anniversary. It’s only early days for us, but it was nice to recognise the time we have spent together. The day itself was a good day. We didn’t do a lot. We spent the day roaming around the city enjoying a little shopping and then went to dinner at Miro’s in Teneriffe. Mirro’s is a Spanish restaurant and I’m sure I’ll post a review in due course. There were gifts exchanged and generally I count this as an amazing day.

However, I wanted to write a little bit about what I am feeling rather than what we did so if you don't like a little gushy stuff than run now.

Twelve months ago I was in a place that was not entirely stable. I had been recovering from a relationship that did some serious damage to me. I had also been involved with another person who I realised was a wrong match. After that I realised I had to be more careful about dating.

With Tom, we had talked a little before meeting and I felt that this person seemed nice but I was very wary as you can never tell if someone is just telling you what you want to hear. Then we met for the first time and as I walked through his door, I realised that something felt right. I couldn’t explain it but I knew it. I was still nervous and wary but he was able to make me feel very comfortable. I didn’t sense anything false and there were never any of those alarm bells going off. You know the ones! Those little tiny ones that we tend to overlook.

As time passed we grew closer and a lot just felt right. Now a year down the track we are living together, about to move house and really planning our future. It all may sound silly to some but I can look at this relationship and see something I have never seen before. What is it? Just what a relationship should be like. I mean it’s not always smooth sailing, but there are so many aspects to the relationship that I just never thought possible. I think my relationship experiences had programmed me to believe relationships work a particular way full of problems. However I realised when getting into this one that relationships can really be between two people who are equals. Two people that respect each other and love each other without a lot of drama.

It really is good to be in love and happy. It is good to be with someone that loves me without question. It’s good to be with someone who is willing to unconditionally compromise when something is concerning and visa versa. Honey, I love you and can’t wait for the next year and the next decade. I literally couldn’t imagine a life that doesn’t include you.