Well, I made it through the weekend. Saturday night we were lucky to run into neighbours and spent the night talking and drinking with them. It was a good night.
There were no major drama's over the weekend and although there was some conflict Monday night it was ok. Nothing has really developed but I have to say having a discussion about the situation today has really helped. It didn't obviously make me feel any better about things but it was good to say some things out loud and that conversation be with someone who I knew wouldn't tell me what I want to hear.
I'm not someone who wants to hear what someone thinks I want to hear. I enjoy talking to someone who is objective and will challenge me where need be. I for one know it takes two even if that isn't intentional. I do know that as cliched as it is there is little to be gained as long as there is no communication. I do realise that the headspace T is in which involves a lot of build up for decades. That is why he isn't willing to see anything other than he is right and isn't really willing to look inside himself because that could result in discovering what he would perceive as a weakness. It is a level of stubbornness I have never seen but that's a lot of walls and there is really only two ways that may change. One would be some big event that impacts on him like nothing else, and the other is time. It could take a year, ten or it may never happen. It's really about growing and at 29 who knows. I am concerned about his mood swings as there is a history of mental health issues in the family, and the swings can be instant. Although it could be depression.
I do think that to some degree we have been together since he was 23 and in some ways he has been protected from a lot of the hard knocks so maybe the only way he can grow is to be alone. I don't know but I am considering all the options and I think I will know when the time is right what it is I need to do. I haven't got to that place where I am ready to give up but I know it will happen. Giving up just goes against everything I believe in terms of a relationship but I will get to a point where I understand that I deserve better. We will see how things go.