I thought it was time for an update on the situation at home. After a few days of stability, yesterday T went off again. I asked what had happened and he wouldn't tell me. So this has continued into today. He's disappeared at the moment so I have a chance to do this update.
At no time don't think I don't take some responsibility for things because we have been here before and exactly the same things happened. When we were here previously because he wouldn't tell me anything I ended up moving out, but stupid me fell for the crap and agreed to come back. I think what is making the current situation all the more difficult is not only am I dealing with the emotional heartache of the situation now but I am also blaming myself for coming back last time.
The lack of communication has made it difficult in that I don't even know what is going on. Things are a little more complicated this time as we now have a business together. I don't want the business and don't work in it, it's just that I need to make sure the loan repayments etc are taken care of as it's a joint situation.
Emotionally I am thinking I need to leave simply because I don't think he will ever talk to me about the problems. Obviously there are financial considerations but I need to start planning. I wouldn't walk away if he was communicating but when I am getting nothing but hostility I don't know what else to do in order to save my sanity. The reality for me is I love him and the emotional pain of the situation is now turning physical in that the hurt is excruciating.
The other thing that makes it hard is I have no real support around me. I know my family will help if I need it but at the moment like I'm sure it is for anyone in this situation the hard thing is that I just want it to all go away and from experience that is not how it works. I guess as each day passes I will sort myself out. I just keep telling myself things will get better.