Blame

A little while ago I was walking down the street when I saw an ex across the road. We never spoke and it’s the only time I’ve seen him since we split. It was interesting that I had seen him because he’s the one ex I have who still many years after the relationship ended continues to blame me for all his problems. It doesn’t matter that all the things he blames me for like his drinking or his promiscuity were all present prior to us meeting lol and apparently even if I didn’t know they were also present during our relationship. I guess a leopard……..

But the point being it made me think about how all people see or interpret things differently. In his case I had an opportunity to listen to some of the things he thinks and although some are just outright strange because either he has made himself believe things that never happened or is just the masterful manipulator I don’t know. But other things which I know and remember well are just so exaggerated that it is funny. After all even though we split (his choice) which was fair enough he cried and held me when saying goodbye. Now these things I can accept are about perception. Two people can have a discussion and walk away with two completely different conclusions we know this and it is something we often forget in our personal lives. 

I know some people just never take responsibility for their own actions and behaviour so in my ex’s case he may never gain any self awareness or it may happen down the road but we also see these traits in our work life. After all we all know that person we’ve worked with who can spill something and still find a way to blame it on someone or something rather than just think it was an accident. Or the person who will make huge stuff up’s in their jobs but never take ownership and apologise. I find this fascinating because for anyone that has been in the situation, you are actually respected more by admitting to your mistakes and the average person even though they may not say it to your face will see through your attempts at blame and hold little respect for you. 

In a professional or personal sense I have learnt that perceptions are often different. As the old saying goes there are three sides to every story. That is so true because I know I have been in situations where what I have said has not been heard in the way I intended it, so I try to ensure I sum up those those I know don’t always hear what I say in the intended manner and adjust my delivery to help them understand. Some would say  I shouldn’t do that but it’s just about being human. In the end I know the old saying “I am responsible for what I say not for what you hear” is true but we have to realise that people are all human and we need to work together. Blame is a dangerous game so instead of blame, be honest and you will soon find others have a more positive approach towards you. 

Stevie

brisbane