To Talk or Not to Talk

If I look back at my breakup it is obvious this has been the hardest breakup I have been through. I guess that is due to the fact that I have never loved someone like I loved him. 

We all deal with things in different ways. My ex for example suppresses everything and won't talk about anything unless he knows he will get absolute reinforcement. This method probably has more to do with fear than anything else.  He has never been someone who can look at himself and will do just about anything to avoid it. 

I have found that I don't like talking about my struggles either, except with people that I know will tell me the truth. Throughout my struggles when someone tries to be kind and talk about what I'm going through I tend to shy away from the discussion because I don't want to hear people telling me I have been wronged. I already know that. I have found two friends who I talk to about things. The reason I trust them is that they know both of us and can be objective. 

What I love about these friends is they are not afraid to tell me what they really think even if it's negative about me or stuff I don't want to hear. They are completely objective. Yes I need to vent but I also don't like people that just tell me what they think will make me feel better or try to tell me what they assume I want to hear. These are not friends. A true friend tells the truth and I appreciate that. 

I believe these experiences, even though most people go through them are still unique to the individual. We are human and all feel alone to some degree when we go through them. The key is to know people we trust are there for us. I would hate to have been in a situation where no one talked to me about it. I am so grateful that I have people to talk to. 

There are a lot of things that have influenced the events around this split including personalities, weakness, manipulative family and confusion. Over time directly or indirectly I will talk about some of these things but as I have said this is for my own record and to assist me move on. So for a while if you don't want to hear these things then don't read. 

I will add that I have absolute faith that the future will be bright. I have always believed that I deserve someone who loves me 100%. I deserve someone who doesn't sit back and make excuses. Someone who takes responsibility for themselves and tries to be a better person. However to get to that point I need to completely process and allow myself to heal. There are some tough decisions that need to be made but in the end I need to look after myself. That is hard for me because I am always considering others. But time will heal.