Who Am I

One of the things that people really don’t understand about me is that I process information quite differently to most. This has in my past caused me grief and still does. The best way to explain it is to give examples. The reason for this is that there is no logic to how I function.

As I have mentioned before I don’t think in a way that many people expect. In fact there is no logic to it for someone who doesn’t understand. I remember as a child my grandfather died. I remember after the funeral I got into trouble because I didn’t cry. The simple fact is I didn’t understand I was meant to and since I didn’t have a strong relationship with my grandfather I didn’t have enough empathy to cry. That’s not to say I don’t feel things. In fact from my understanding I ‘feel’ more deeply than people who don’t have this condition. the difference is for me to ‘feel’ I need to have a strong connection with that person.

I guess in life this is why I confuse people. I have discovered whenever there is an accident or disaster I am process driven. I just know what needs to be done and get straight to it. At times I guess this can come across as uncaring or cold. However the flip side of this is that when I am close to someone such as in situations with my partner or family. Everything is far more intense.

When a problem arises or something occurs which is new or different my mind goes into a tail spin. It’s just that my head needs to fully look at the implications, the benefits and disadvantages and then address these things as best I can. Sometimes this can take weeks to process. It’s not that I don’t understand what is happening, it’s just that it affects me emotionally and physically probably a hundred times more than other people. So things that may not seem a big deal to some are a big deal to me. The other side of that is sometimes things that others think should be a big deal to me just aren’t.

I really put a lot of energy into trying to see things from others perspective and most of the time I can do it. My partner has to sometimes go the extra mile to help me with certain things and it takes a lot of patience. In saying that I know it probably sounds like a lot and it’s not all the time that these things happen. A lot of the time you would never know any different.

My life though is generally a good one. I have taught myself to deal with a lot of situations with how society expects and for the most part it is successful. The main thing I have realised is I’ve never needed to fit in. I realise that this notion is out there and most people are driven by it, but I have never experienced it. I still don’t fully understand peoples need to fit in, but I accept it. I guess this is also why I don’t understand some other things that people do such as boredom which I have never experienced. Although this one I am told is really a learned trait and not at all good. So maybe I should be grateful lol.

Anyway, I hope that this lets you a little more inside my head. I try to be an open book.