*In life you can generally tell what kind of person someone is by the people they have around them. In my experience there are a few but the two types that stand out are those who’s friends are on an intellectual equal to them and in the same ballpark emotionally. This is the kind of person who likes have people around who they feel equal to and can carry on a mature conversation.
The second is those who seem to seek out friends who are not on an equal level usually less mature and really quite lost. This type will appeal to this type of person because they know they will always be the superior and in control. This type of person is generally looking for someone they can fix. This can be a dangerous group because you tend to find that at some point this type of person actually will be dragged down by the lost puppy.
Neither is all good or bad and it is more a tool to examine ourselves. I know for a long time I fell into the second group and that’s when I realised that I was doing that because I wanted to feel needed. It certainly wasn’t healthy and once I realised what the cause was I knew that it was me that needed the fixing.
Feeling needed is really important. It’s about feeling that you are valued and that you can contribute. I can’t speak for my partner but I know that I need him on so many levels. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t survive if he wasn’t around any more but rather recognising that my life would be something less without him in it. It’s to do with the bond that I have with him. It’s to do with the fact that I have chosen as has he to share our lives. This means that we need and want each other. It is a sign that we recognise that without the other our lives would be missing something very special.
It is a natural state to want to feel valued and wanted. It is natural to want to be needed. Many will argue the semantics but I know what I mean.
I have always felt that if someone wants to be in my life in any respect, they need to be either my intellectual equal or superior. I say superior because I find I learn a lot from someone like this. I tend to limit the number of people at the lower end because they tend to drag me down. Maybe that says something about me being easily influenced I’m not sure lol. Of course I look for other things in the people around me. I look for loyalty, respect, a strong value system and more. I look for these qualities not only towards me but towards my family. If someone doesn’t respect my partner for example than it’s good bye.
I don’t think these things are related to my aspie side but rather just about knowing what is good for my family and removing what drags it down. I will in an upcoming post tell you a little more about me and my quirks as I like to call them. So stay tuned. *