How Do You Stay Positive?

Something I have learned about myself over the years is that I am someone who really likes being in a relationship. Not just any relationship but one with a future. Unfortunately for me I have had some bad ones in my life and have just had to move on and start all over again. Someone recently asked me how I managed to stay positive about it because they have always found it difficult.

To be honest, it’s always been difficult. I never go into a relationship unless I think it will last. So if something goes wrong and it ends I do find it difficult. The reason is that I am someone who is willing to work on a relationship and as long as the other person feels the same will keep going, after all relationships were never meant to be easy. So I guess because I really never see the end of a relationship it makes it all the more difficult if it happens.

So in order to cope the first thing I keep reminding myself is that I deserve someone who is 100% committed. So if they are leaving or lying to me then they really did not deserve me in the first place. I have to keep telling myself that and reminding myself because it is really true.

The other thing I have learned is that you need to deal with the break up quickly. I mean if you are living together you need to get out quickly because until you do you really can’t start to heal. If you feel that the person is important and they want to stay connected you have to put rules into play. For example I had a partner who I split with many years ago. We both agreed we would make good friends but recognised that we needed time to heal, so we set a time frame that we wouldn’t have any contact. For us it was 6 months. So during that six months we had no contact. On that 6 month mark I got a phone call. Now although it was still scary it was the best thing we ever did.

It would be wrong of me to say that break ups are not difficult for me because they are very difficult. Really though I remind myself that I deserve to be with someone who isn’t going to lie to me. Someone who has a need to lie and or do things that they know would hurt me if I knew really is scum and doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship with me. To me they are the signs that they are not 100% committed to me or the relationship. The only other thing that helps me cope is my integrity whilst in a relationship. I can say that I have never cheated in a relationship, I have never done anything my partner would deem innapropriate, I told my partners when something was wrong and I said and showed them everyday that I love them. If you can exit a relationship with your integrity in tact knowing that you did everything you could then it helps get through the tough times. 

So if you want to stay positive just keep reminding yourself of the fact that you really deserve someone who truly loves you and wants to be with you and eventually it will all work out. That is how I do it anyway.