Relationships and Age

*I was recently talking to someone about age gaps in relationships. This led me to some research and I have discovered some interesting facts. Statistically couples who have a large age gap actually survive more than those who are close in age, at least in terms of divorce statistics. But inherently there are dangers to watch out for in a relationship where there exists age gaps.

The main danger is to ensure that you are in your relationship with someone who is looking long term. The reason for this is that relationships are hard at times and it’s important that you are both committed to the long term. The second is to ensure if you are thinking of getting into a relationship in the age group that would be currently in their twenties that they are completely on board. The studies I read say this because it appears that people in this age group or the GenY category are really not good with compromise or sacrifice. It’s simply that what they consider sacrifice or compromise is compromise on things that don’t really matter as long as I get everything I really want. Unless they can really compromise and sacrifice for the relationship it will only cause problems.

The other danger in relationships is that for both the younger and older partner is both have a view on life and what is important. Generally the older person in the relationship has realised what is truly important in building a life with someone and the things that just interfere in a happy life. This isn’t always the case because sometimes it’s the younger who is ready for the relationship. The younger is generally in a situation where they may still have a picture in their minds on how someone of their age should be and they tend to be looking for that image “Oh, I’m 19 I should be getting drunk and partying”. So quite often younger people are constantly striving for the image on how they think they should be based on their age rather than what would make a good life for me.

So being in an age gap relationship has lots of dangers however as it was pointed out in one article, it’s just as dangerous with people of the same age. So it is really not about age and or role models. It’s about finding someone you truly love and then being willing to really compromise and sacrifice for the person you love. That goes two ways. If you are serious about spending your life with someone, then you need to make that the priority. You need to work as a team and communicate all the time. They say that without being willing to discuss things with your partner and have open and heartfelt discussions then you are doomed to failure because without communication you can’t actually grow as a couple. The research itself states that there is really no higher risk of failure then for any couples who are close in age. It’s only that the challenges are different.

In fact when you look at relationship failures the main reason’s are as follows:-

1. Incompatibility of values from the onset. 2. Immaturity 3. Family Backgrounds 4. Establishing Relationships for the wrong reasons 5. Employment & Financial pressures 6. Lack of communication & not resolving disputes quickly 7. Promiscuity, Alcoholism, Gambling and other behavioural issues

In the end I believe if you concentrate on love and the fact that you are with someone because they are your number one, communicate effectively and understand that there will be ups and downs then it really should work. *