Arguments

Arguments are something I don’t handle well. Not entirely true, in a professional sense I can handle an argument perfectly, however when I have an argument with my partner I just fall apart. I think it has a lot to do with the emotional attachment. It probably affects me also because the stakes are a lot higher.

The truth is I can put on a front in these cases but inside I just want to throw up. In these personal arguments nothing comes out rationally. Well to begin with it does but in the end I think the frustration just gets the better of me. It reminds me of the quote:-

“I am only responsible for what I say, not what you hear”

I do my best to articulate what is going on in my head, but the reality is it’s never going to be received in it’s intended context. This is in many respects the result of two strong personalities. It’s easy to say that you should just articulate the points you are trying to get across, but unless you are both willing to clarify what you hear on each and every point it is difficult. This is then complicated by the emotional aspect.

I am aware that the arguments will happen and then you will get over them and move on but it doesn’t change how it affects me. I really wish I knew how to better cope with these things. I can say that these arguments make me feel sick but that in no way really explains just how bad it is. Most of the time depending on the argument, at some point I will throw up. It usually happens an hour or two after the argument when I have settled. I know it’s because my head just can’t cope with that level of tension. I guess I have to get back to the techniques I have been taught to bring myself down.

Unfortunately, it’s really easy for me to forget that being Aspie can’t always be ignored. I recognise that how I deal with things and the impact things have on me can be extreme so I need to just go back to the things I was taught by the therapist years ago to control them. I think it’s exasperated by the frustration that I sometimes feel when I feel that my buttons are being pushed on purpose or that someone who is supposed to know me well, uses those fragility's against me.

Sometimes as I have mentioned I forget about my quirks so I guess that those I love will also forget those things at times. I guess in my relationship as in any relationship it’s easy to become complacent about your partner’s needs and differences. I know that my own partner has a lot of quirks of his own and sometimes it’s easy to forget those things due to the everyday facade.

We as humans like to think we are tough and try to project that image, but in reality we are all very complex and fragile. That’s certainly not a negative thing and I think it’s important to realise that those aspects of us that are fragile are not weaknesses but just a part of who we are and that we are human. I think that’s easy to forget with my partner because he is a beautiful and amazing person, however for whatever reason (probably baggage) he really never shows vulnerability. The key for me is to remember what a beautiful soul he is and remember that arguments pass. If they don’t then there is a reason for this too. 

Stevie

brisbane