What does it mean?

Recently I was talking with someone at work who has been in a relationship for a considerable amount of time. At one point she turned to me and asked me what I thought it meant to be in relationship? I guess it was lucky the question asked for my view because I’m sure every one has their own take on the issue.

My answer initially was simple, I just said, “It means that you always put your partner before yourself”. In saying that I needed to clarify a couple of things. Firstly this is how a relationship should be if both people in it are equally in the relationship. If one person is not willing than it can’t work. Secondly I pointed out my statement doesn’t mean you ignore yourself.

I do feel that in this day and age there are a lot of relationship failures because we are being trained to be selfish and once you start being selfish, there is no room in a relationship for two. If I am in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect me and how I feel about things then what’s the point? If I am in a relationship with someone who lies to me that is only ever for selfish reasons. If I am in a relationship with someone who doesn’t openly communicate than that is purely selfish.

Lack of open communication for example can only serve the person not communicating. So it really is a selfish thing. It’s like I have always said, if I did something I know my partner wouldn’t appreciate or something he has asked me to give up or stop, I would have to tell him. The reason is, by not talking about it I am only lying. But in saying that what motivation could I have for not talking about it. The only answer to that is I would be afraid of the consequences or letting him down. I am not going to ever be accused of being a coward or gutless so I would always talk about it.

So in terms of what it means to be in a relationship I still stand by my original statement. I never do anything that my partner wouldn’t like and as far as I’m concerned it’s really not a great sacrifice in the scheme of things. This extends to how I conduct myself in business. I often will think about who I am and my partner before dealing with things. I am a good person and would never, even in business do something that would cast doubt on my character to him or myself.

I consider him in all my dealings. It’s important to me that he knows that he is my No.1. After having this conversation the person I was talking to agreed. She told me how sometimes she forgets the importance or value of the relationship because of the busyness of life but really feels that she needs to make sure it is at the forefront. This time it wasn’t me that stated but her “In the end you will lose jobs, friends will come and go but your partner is their forever.” So true!