Low Self Worth

Something we hear about all the time is that self-esteem is a problem amongst gay people. The thing is I have always known this and seen it in the general community but I guess the problem never really hit me until this weekend.

Now I’m sure there a variety of causes and it could come from anywhere. What I mean is I don’t necessarily believe it’s always directly related to being gay but rather upbringing or life experiences however it is a fact and it’s so wide spread. I think until being gay is widely accepted we can’t discount this as a cause.

I had a situation recently where someone I care about deeply had a reaction to something I said and it came from a place or a flash back to how he felt about himself. The situation was that he saw something I said as a flask back to how he was seen as insignificant as a child and was by far the odd one out in his family. He grew up being told that he couldn’t make it on his own and succeed. The constant put downs and feelings of being less then normal have and still affect him now.

This situation really caught me by surprise because I had never seen him in this light. In fact it was the complete opposite. I saw him as strong and self sufficient. In fact I probably would not say it unprompted but I see him as the most stable and successful person in his family. It was a bit of a shock and in fact the thought that he even felt I had implied otherwise actually reduced me to tears. Rationally I know it was just an in the moment reaction and he wouldn’t really believe that but it really did affect me.

What it made me realise though is that even the most together looking person has deep issues. I am the first to admit I have a lot of insecurities. Strangely they are not from my childhood as much as they are from things that have happened in my adult life. I am aware of these so I am determined to not let them rule me.

My message to everyone out there is remember that you are loved and if your family or life experiences have emotionally knocked you around it is not permanent and life is good. Life is full of good and bad times but something I have learned is that if you concentrate on those who you know love you and distance yourself from those who don’t you will soon realise how important you are. Do not use your bad experiences as a justification to behave badly or lash out in life but rather live a good life knowing that you are valuable and loved.

If you feel that you need to talk about how you feel and the things you need to move on from your past then take that step to actually talk to someone. You will be surprised how many people actually want to help.