Friends & Focus

I have seen a few blogs lately talking about problems or frustrations with friendships and it has made me think again about the need to focus your energy where it is most critical.

Put it this way, if you work on the assumption and belief that you have a limited amount of energy whether that be emotional, time etc. Then look at where your energy goes and start with that. Obviously a large chunk of it goes to your work, then your number 1. relationship (being your partner), then your family etc etc. Then prioritise these things and decide what is the most important and least important.

Friends in general should never be “high maintenance” mainly because “high maintenance” friends will always result in times of lost focus on the area’s that are most important. Friends ideally should also share similar interests and mutual respect. It doesn’t mean they need to be exactly like you. This is where people get confused. Friends change and friends are not always going to be there for the rest of your life, some will and some won’t. People don’t always grow at the same rate. A friend that you have had for a while may start moving in a different direction. A simplistic example is that you have a friend who you spent years hanging out with because you were both into tech. After some time you lose interest in this because you are focused on your family or craft. You are going to drift apart and this is not a bad thing. Yes, by all means if you can find another shared interest then great, otherwise you will naturally drift apart.

I read a blog post recently from a guy called Ryan who I have read for years and is really good to listen to. He stated that when he was younger he went out a lot and partied. He eventually grew out of this and in fact has no interest in it at all now. People who were friends of his during this time basically criticised him for them losing touch and even accused Ryan of thinking he was better then them. However all it was is that over time Ryan moved onto other things and those that he was friends with at the time were still doing the same thing.

So through life you have to realise that priorities and focus changes. We as humans can be resistant to change but the key when dealing with friendships is to make sure communication is open and honest so that where possible these things can be dealt with and make sure that you are not losing focus on what is really important. Some of the friends I had in the past who I used to talk to everyday are now friends I may talk to every year. We are still friends but we have moved focus onto the things that are in their lives now such as their families or dedication to future goals.

We all grow as the years go on and the key is to maintain focus on what is important.