Is Narcissism part of the reason so many relationships fail? Well it appears it definitely may have a lot to do with it in this day and age. A study was conducted of lawyers to investigate the reasons they see people separating. It appears that what has happened is a turn around. The number one reason for relationship failures is now boredom. Has our society really moved into a stage where vows really don't mean anything. Over the years we have seen an increase in individuals becoming more self indulgent but it appears this narcissism has moved into relationships where unless we are totally entertained by our partners we are just walking. Divorce in general has declined a little but it appears the reason for divorce has changed. Statistics show that the average time a marriage lasts is now 11 years. I saw this quote in an article I was reading and thought, yes this is what a relationship is about. Leo Tolstoy said "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with that incompatibility". That is really what it's about.
I discovered some of this during a search for statistics on life cycles so when I saw so much information on divorce and separations I looked further. It appears that most believe relationships are about romance and courtship. Well I guess who can blame people for thinking this when it's what we are bombarded with in film and television. However in a relationship the average amount of time romance lasts is just over two and a half years.
I saw this paragraph in an article so I will quote it. It was from an article by the Telegraph however I couldn't find who was responsible for the paragraph so I apologise up front.
It all adds up to what I call chic nihilism – a belief that living according to the fashionable ethos of the age is more important than sticking with something that, at times, may feel less than rewarding. And yet if we do pursue this me-ﬁrst approach doggedly, we may actually forfeit far more than we gain.
This level of narcissism is dangerous. It seems there are common threads to successful relationships. One that seems to occur often is that you should see your partner as your best mate. This will help you really enjoy the life you are living together. The other thing that seems to be a positive thought process is to look at not what you don't have but what you do. Look at what you will give up by leaving your relationship. Usually it's a lot and then sit down and discuss the problems. Therapists will say that in the research there is no such thing as a perfect match, so don't expect it. There is a lot of research that shows that couples who stick together through the tough patches and spend time to focus on the positive things in their relationship will have far healthier relationships. Falling out of love is more about letting this feeling of boredom set in. Don't let it happen and remember relationships are not easy and have to be worked on every day. There are good times and bad, but when you come out the other side of the bad your relationship will be different but much better. After all your partner is the only person in the world who puts your needs and feelings above everyone elses.
I guess this has eneterd my thoughts now because we all know that Gay Marriage is on the agenda and I for one am a full supporter. However we also know there is no difference in divorce rates of gay or straight couples. We also know that outside of marriage gay relationships come and go a lot. However I will say that it's great to be seeing so many gay relationships lasting the test of time at least in those I see and read. As my readers know I am a big believer in relationships and am a believer that they are possible. I just hope that this shift in the reason for separations does a turn around. We as a race really do need to stop being so narcissistic and focus more on others. Selflessness is rewarding to and leads to such a stronger deeper level of happiness.