Insecurity and Boundaries


Over the last few days I have had several people use the word boundaries. Whenever I hear that word I think it’s strange because although I know it can have very legitimate uses, it is usually heard these days in discussions around work and personal relationships. 

I guess I find it a strange term because the things it usually refers to in my mind are common sense. Now I know that discussing boundaries is good because every one is on the same page. But there is still a part of me that thinks isn’t this stuff just common sense.

In a work sense you hear it mainly when it comes to work relationships and where to draw the line. I just think it really is straight forward. When these strange “boundaries” are crossed I don’t think it’s oblivious to the people involved, they simply chose to cross them.

It’s the same in personal relationships, I really don’t believe someone can claim they didn’t realise where the line was. Seriously, you are in a relationship with someone and you know them. You know what is right and wrong and what would be hurtful or upsetting to them. So you really common sense plays a part.

In one of my previous relationships I was involved with someone who would seek out attention in order to make him feel important. In a lot of instances this crossed the line because the only way for him to feel better about himself was to seek out people who made him feel sexy so even in terms of conversation it would often become inappropriate. He admitted I made him feel incredible but I was only one person and he needed that kind of attention from more people. It wasn’t until after the relationship ended I found out that the attention seeking behaviour went even further than I realised lol.

The point being, we all have some common sense and whether we are willing to admit it or not we know right from wrong. But where do you draw the line. We know that relationships of all kinds have their ups and downs but in this digital age, is it too easy to get some attention. Is temptation there all the time? Is it difficult for some people more than others to put “boundaries” around temptations that are perceived?

I don’t really feel this kind of thing but I realise for many it is a reality. One of the things I feel is that boredom plays a big part. Another thing that seems to play a massive part is that people seem to have less and less self esteem. Not because of anything that has necessarily happened to them and I’m sure many have people around them who genuinely build them up, but because of some misguided view brought on by the masses of images and data being thrown at them. They see FB posts and perceive that people are a certain way or twitter updates. The disturbing reality is that none of this is real. I mean, people don’t portray their real self online. It may appear that way, but rarely are they being completely honest. Most of the time they are just using a sentence that will get a response they are looking for.

Be completely honest with people around you and you will find that your life becomes much simpler and happier. Do what is right instead of blurring the lines. Get rid of everything in your life that is not really important and remove anything that would possibly lead to temptation and doubts. Keep it simple. Build a life based on selflessness and love. the only way to gain self esteem is to work on yourself. You really won't find it from other people. I feel that I am lucky because even though both my boyfriend and I have insecurities and like everyone some self esteem issues, we are able to talk about them and try and help each other. Unfortunately not everyone is that lucky so all I can say is that you are all incredible and when you realise that you are who you are and that is a beautiful thing, and when you can stop worrying what others think you will start to find that missing self esteem. It takes time but if you recognise that it is a process you will work through it.