Arguments, ASD & Confusion

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Sometimes I notice something in myself that I find strange. The result of arguments on my physical self is one of them. 

If I get into an argument at work, I find it easy to cope with. I am articulate and get my point across and I feel fine after the event. This result is the same generally for arguments in my personal life with one exception.

That exception is with my partner, not just my current partner but any partner in the past. When we have a problem or an argument I am left feeling exhausted. I realise that a lot of this is due to the emotional toll it takes on me. But this isn’t just exhaustion that you can sleep off, it is a level of exhaustion that can last for a day or two. To add to this, whenever this happens, my anxiety levels get close to or cause an anxiety attack and I struggle to eat.

Being someone who has Aspergers tendencies I understand that things do work differently with me. I know that I get more exhausted by emotional events then most and I understand that levels of frustration can be much higher. Having a rational personality, most things seem simple and sometimes it is frustrating when I see irrational behaviour and decision making with my partner  but also with others. I also know that most people are irrational beings and I understand that is what is considered normal.

I see all decisions as black and white, right or wrong, yes or no. The area’s that other people see as gray I see as excuses for justifying a course of action. But yet, I do recognise that others think differently and even though I see things as straight forward I am more than happy to change my view on something if presented with a good case. I understand some people see things in black and white and others see things in shades of gray. The two groups will never understand the other.

The key for me to survive is communication. Like anyone I have a need to feel heard. Professionally I can cope with not being successful with an argument as long as I feel my points are acknowledged. Privately, it’s the same as long as it’s not something that makes me feel unheard and uncomfortable. Privately, I have always unconditionally dropped anything if it makes my partner feel uncomfortable, after all that is the person I love and really the only person who makes me their number one and over the years I have done that and that is because in the scheme of things my partner is what I care about above all else.

I think as I read back over this post that I can see that my actions and the degree of impact are based on the level of importance I place on individual connections/relationships. The one thing that people out there in the world may not fully understand about Aspergers is that contrary to the belief that we don’t care about people we actually care on a much deeper level about people that we have connections with, it’s just that it takes a lot more to make those connections. We also tend to not really be willing to give a lot of attention or emotion to people we don’t have that connection to. The thing that can lead to frustration usually comes from people we have connections with not demonstrating in our view the same level of devotion and commitment that we do.

Reading this I think that maybe over time I should talk more about Aspergers because I sometimes think that there are a lot of misconceptions out there. I am also thinking of starting a podcast but I will play with this idea and see if it leads somewhere.

Stevie

brisbane