People ask me how to have a lasting relationship. Simply I cannot answer that myself because I really haven’t had one. I have been lucky in the respect I have had some long term relationships, but generally I don’t have a lot of luck in this area. My current relationship is heading up to the two year mark so I am hoping this one lasts. We have our share of problems but this is the best and most equal relationship I have ever been in.
If you talk to the couples that have been married for 50 years plus and still feel they have a great relationship, they mostly seem to say the same thing. They say that telling each other everything is the answer. Talking with each other every day is what makes them strong. During the course of their days and nights together they talk, no holes barred about everything. I heard a guy say once that why wouldn’t you talk to your wife or partner, after all they are your life, your partner and your companion. If you talk to each other and have an open and honest relationship there is no need for secrets. Who would want to be sharing your life with someone that was not totally honest and had secrets.
To me that says it all. It makes sense that since most relationship breakdowns happen over lies, secrets and money, that if you are talking to each other and not hiding things, than you are not allowing the potential threats as above to infiltrate your relationship. The only difficult part to this is finding that person who is on the same page and wants the same things.
It appears more than ever that in this day and age a lot of people have moved away from traditional values. What I mean by that is that people have lost that real love and passion in a relationship. With more people deciding against relationships at all and this societal shift for independence the road is tough. Independence can be a good thing, but in many respects it has gone too far with people now thinking that’s what life is about, yet people are increasingly unhappy. Reading some Eastern philosophy it talks about that true connection to the person you are with as well as the connections to the world.
For me I believe strongly that to have a successful relationship you need to ensure that you maintain honesty in your relationship and that doesn’t mean honesty when it suits, but the true heartfelt honesty and openness that makes two people grow closer together. I live my life making my decisions considering my partner in everything. I believe you have to have open communication, I am not going to hide anything from my partner, after all what is the point. If I hide anything it is only me being too weak to deal with his reaction. If there is something he has a problem with I would rather know and work it through.
I have always been willing to sacrifice a lot for my relationship and to be honest I don’t really see it as sacrificing. After all he is the most important person in my world and I know he has never asked anything of me that is unreasonable. I think you need to work out for yourselves what makes a relationship last but in the end it has to be equitable. There are two people who have to be equals.