Recently I saw a post about a major disagreement within a relationship that really has shaken things for the couple in a big way. Yesterday I heard about a couple who have split because of laziness and dishonesty (not big stuff but smaller lies). Today I saw another post about a couple who had a fight that has shaken them up to a point of insecurity.
These things happen a lot but it seems that in each case one or both of the pair just seem to not be upfront and really communicate. Talking is not communication. Communicating is not just about the big things but also the small things. Communicating is about being upfront with not what is happening but how it is affecting you and how you feel.
It seems too often that when there are problems in life we tend to in some way shrink away from communicating. The problem with that is that it will always lead to a bigger problem. I have been known to do this. If I recognise that something is wrong or I am in a strange mood I will say to my partner that I’m in a space but it isn’t related to him. This way he does not think he’s at fault or in some way the cause and I just need to unwind. However I am the first to admit that I don’t always recognise it and sometimes get asked what’s wrong. This is something I have to get better at, but at least I recognise this in my personality.
I just don’t understand why when two people love each other that they let life get in the way. I don’t understand why dishonesty exists and I don’t understand why people are not willing to fight for a relationship. I would like to think that in my relationship problems would always get sorted out but in the end I can only know myself and my values.
I do however find it frustrating and maybe a bit of a reality check when I see how easily people throw things away. Maybe I should reduce my FB time because in many ways I think seeing all these status updates does end up having an impact on me. It becomes quite sad to see how little people respect relationships and how little emphasis or importance is placed on them.
After writing this post I received a chain email. Thought it was a good story and pretty appropriate.
John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!'
He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, 'I don't get it!'
'You can't be a positive person all of the time.
How do you do it?'
He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or...you can choose to be in a bad mood
I choose to be in a good mood.'
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or...I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested.
'Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.'
I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back..
I saw him about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied, 'If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?'
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.
'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live.'
'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked.
He continued, '...the paramedics were great.
They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action.'
'What did you do?' I asked.
'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said John. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity''
Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.'
He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude....I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'
After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.