If Apple opened a Cafe....

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I'm going to steal, with Kudos of course this hilarious post from the ever funny Andy. Strangely enough (at least to me) I've been following on and off Andy's posts for a long time. It turns out that as per usual that the degree's of separation are very slim lol.

But this is an awesome post and I encourage you, no I request that you check out his site because not only is it an awesome site but there are plenty of other pastimes that Andy engages in that may interest you and in particular his Body Building regime lol.





  • Cutlery would need to be paired with the crockery in order to function correctly.

  • Customers would need to buy an app from the App Store first, then use iTunes to place their order.

  • Windows users would be charged more for the same experience.

  • Customers entering the store with pre-opened (aka jailbroken) drink bottles will be denied access.

  • Windows users, like me, who kill and delete ituneshelper.exe (WTF – I don’t even have iTunes installed!?!?) would be politely asked to leave.

  • All meals would feature DFM (Digital Food Management) which would automatically remove all flavour if a meal is shared or eaten outside of the cafe.

  • Users bringing their own drinks to the cafe will be informed that they are incompatible and that Apple drinks must be purchased.

  • Before exiting, users are forced to leave a positive testimonial. Should anyone escape and leave a negative testimonial or complain about how hard it was to type using the menu interface, you will be hunted down and forced to publish an apology.

  • Liver is not on the menu (see what I just did there?).

  • Specials will be advertised, but are in no way special.

  • All meals begin with the letter ‘i’. Highlights include delicacies from the iRaq, iPad Thai, iToast (but only after Apple takes the makers of Toast to court) – and for dessert, Apple iStrudel with iCecream or Blues Cream of Death (say it out loud – slurring your words, and you’ll get it).

  • Users wishing to create their own meals to sell within the Apple Cafe will first need to buy a CDK (Cooks Development Kit) for $300. All meals must be approved. Meals containing the letter ‘i’ will need to be renamed prior to approval.

  • Each time you visit the store, the cutlery will change – meaning you cannot use your existing Apple cutlery, as the connectors will no longer fit. Non-genuine Apple cutlery will not be permitted.

  • Wait staff will be referred to as ‘Master Chefs’ – after Apple takes the maker of the TV series to court.

  • Users will need absolutely no knowledge of eating prior to enter the cafe – eating is done via a simple, easy-to-use user interface that anyone can master – even your grandma!

  • Poster advertisements for the cafe will feature dark silhouettes of randomly dancing people holding cutlery against colourful backgrounds.

  • Television advertising for the cafe will include some skinny uni-student saying “I’m Apple Cafe” and a fat dude saying “And I’m McDonalds” (actually – that one I’ll give them! +1 for Apple Cafe :P ). They’ll then banter on for 30 seconds about random bad McDonalds facts, most of which aren’t actually 100% true.


:-)

Stevie

brisbane