The Birthday Gift that never was.....


As many of you know, I am doing very well since the breakup of my relationship. It's always difficult and even this week when it reaches the three month mark there are some positives and negatives. On a positive note as many know, my life is back on track and things are extremely good. There are a lot of great things going on for me and as time passes I am sure I will share a lot of them with you.

However, this week is also a very difficult week. No matter what, I will always love my ex and that is not something that will ever go away. Doesn't mean I like him very much but I do love him. My love for him will remain constant. In fact it has remained constant. But this week is a little bit of a rehash because not only will it reach the three month milestone but Wednesday is his birthday and not just any but a milestone birthday. So it's not the birthday that makes this a difficult week but rather it is one of those events that whilst we were together we were planning for.

For me it was much bigger. I am told that I am great at gift giving but even I was impressed with what I had been planning for this one. There were several elements but the one that hits the most at the moment is the phone call I had planned. Prior to the break up I had spent 3 months emailing and phoning to organise a phone call for him from one of the greatest musicians ever to live (at least that's how he felt). The reason for the phone call was that I just knew due to the thousands of kilometers between them that a meeting was just not possible. Also considering the status of this artist I knew it was going to be a test to negotiate. However the discussions were going well. Had I not been an emotional wreck even with the breakup I would have continued the plans. However being a complete mess following the breakup I just couldn't continue. So as to not burn the bridge totally, I rang the U.S and apologised that I would have to stop the discussions due to some changes that meant that it wouldn't work this year. I apologised so much that I left the conversation with a positive response from the manager and an invitation for the future. That was nice. I didn't expect that from such a high profile figure but it ended all good.

So with the effort I had put in and the memories of the effort it has made this week rather difficult. It's not sad as such but my head is messing with me with memories. I guess there will always be events that were planned for and things that I had planned that will come back to haunt me from time to time. They will become less and less and I am truly grateful that my life is going so well. That at least has made things easier. It does show me though that the healing process is not simple. One thing I am proud of is that I have been extremely upfront and honest with new people in my life about where I am at. I have been upfront about where I am at and that I refuse to be unfair to anyone. I refuse to hurt anyone because of the baggage I have and as long as I am honest with people about where I am at in the healing process I can keep a clear conscience.

In other exciting news, stay tuned for an upcoming competition on this blog. I will talk more about that soon. Anyway time for bed I think. Enjoy your evening or day.