To Talk or Not to Talk

If I look back at my breakup it is obvious this has been the hardest breakup I have been through. I guess that is due to the fact that I have never loved someone like I loved him. 

We all deal with things in different ways. My ex for example suppresses everything and won't talk about anything unless he knows he will get absolute reinforcement. This method probably has more to do with fear than anything else.  He has never been someone who can look at himself and will do just about anything to avoid it. 

I have found that I don't like talking about my struggles either, except with people that I know will tell me the truth. Throughout my struggles when someone tries to be kind and talk about what I'm going through I tend to shy away from the discussion because I don't want to hear people telling me I have been wronged. I already know that. I have found two friends who I talk to about things. The reason I trust them is that they know both of us and can be objective. 

What I love about these friends is they are not afraid to tell me what they really think even if it's negative about me or stuff I don't want to hear. They are completely objective. Yes I need to vent but I also don't like people that just tell me what they think will make me feel better or try to tell me what they assume I want to hear. These are not friends. A true friend tells the truth and I appreciate that. 

I believe these experiences, even though most people go through them are still unique to the individual. We are human and all feel alone to some degree when we go through them. The key is to know people we trust are there for us. I would hate to have been in a situation where no one talked to me about it. I am so grateful that I have people to talk to. 

There are a lot of things that have influenced the events around this split including personalities, weakness, manipulative family and confusion. Over time directly or indirectly I will talk about some of these things but as I have said this is for my own record and to assist me move on. So for a while if you don't want to hear these things then don't read. 

I will add that I have absolute faith that the future will be bright. I have always believed that I deserve someone who loves me 100%. I deserve someone who doesn't sit back and make excuses. Someone who takes responsibility for themselves and tries to be a better person. However to get to that point I need to completely process and allow myself to heal. There are some tough decisions that need to be made but in the end I need to look after myself. That is hard for me because I am always considering others. But time will heal. 

Where Have I Been?

Firstly I would like to say thank you to all those who sent me messages during my absence from blogging. It has helped and I appreciate it. I want to talk about so much and have no idea where to start. I do want to say that this post hopefully won't be a big one but rather an introduction. So I will share briefly why I disappeared from blogging for several months and what has been happening. It's certainly a personal journey and one which most people go through. However each and every person's experience is important to them and in this case me. However this will only be a brief explanation because there are so many things I want to say and each one is probably a unique post. 

When I first commenced my break it was because life was busy and I was feeling that things were getting on top of me and so blogging wasn't a priority and I stopped. However in the time I have been absent I've had many things take place. The main one was the sudden split from my partner, his choice. So I have been through some change lol, including the split, moving and all the things that a split brings with it. Many of the issues will come up in future posts but the hardest thing to deal with was that in his messed up head and his words, 90% of the relationship was great but 10% wrong is too much. I know that sounds crazy but I guess as I see in a lot of people these days they run rather than deal with things. Don't pass judgement on either of us, I will talk more about things in the future. We are on speaking terms and I will always love him more than I can express. But as many tell me I am also prone to defending those I love even when they have done me wrong. 

For those of you who have followed me or know me you will know that when major emotional events happen I need to take down time. I am a highly emotional person who internalises a lot so I need space to help me grieve and mend. Even though the split was three months ago I am far from being over it. I think that takes time and once I see or meet people that could potentially be a prospective partner and can see there are possibilities things will be even better. I'm not dwelling or ignoring it but rather dealing with things. I am moving forward. So this isn't about poor me but rather looking forward. So anyway, I have written a bit too much for a post and will be back later. 

On The Way Back

Ok, well this blog is once again live. I have made some changes as you will notice to the design for several reasons. It's primarily to simplify the design and put focus back on the blog itself. This is because at this point in time I just don't have the time to update multiple sections. So for now it is back to basics. However it is also mobile friendly so if you want to read or look on the go you can. 

I will very soon get back to some writing and picture posting. Over the break I have thought very carefully about why I got into blogging all those years ago. It was simply because I found it good for me to write what I was feeling or thought. I have never had a problem sharing information although the more people I know came across the blog the more I had to be a little careful. So I want to get back to writing about things I am passionate about and in particular relationships, people, love and topics that move me. I will also share pictures I come across that I feel are beautiful. 

It's never been about drawing people to the site or gaining readers. It's been about life. In the past that became a little skewed as I felt pressure to regularly update. That won't be the case this time. I will only post when I want to or feel the need to release. I write for myself however am always happy to talk about things that are raised either through comments or emails. If you send me a respectful email I will always get back to you. So if I don't there maybe a bug I haven't worked out yet. 

So sometime over the next few days I will post my first post and go from there.